UNICORNA!
by Libertied Insanity
Summary: Black fluffy unicorns, dancing on rain clouds!
1. Chapter 1

**I read somewhere about needing a unicorn fan fiction. And then I wanted one. For all those other eccentric people, mwahahaha.**

**Disclaimer: for if I do not own this, the Golden God does**

Skulduggery was looking at the car. The Bentley. He wanted it. He bounded over to it and knocked on its sleek black roof, waiting for an answer. Nothing. He knocked again and again until he finally realised- _no one was in the car!_ He backed away in terror: if you stepped into these woods you would turn into a- no. No, he just- no. No. No. Just- no. No. Skulduggery looked mournfully at the perfect car, he was pretty sure that it had been his a couple of centuries ago.

Ah, good times he thought. He rubbed his face over the beautiful Bentley, licked it for good luck (because if he didn't, who would?) and shuffled away sadly.

Skulduggery was trying to climb up a tree when he heard the Noise. It hurt his ears it was so shrill and loud. Hearing the muffled 'whhheeeeee!' ing was almost to much for the poor skeleton to bear, and he tried to run off into the woods. He didn't manage it. The black girl bounded over the bush and came to a skidding stop in front of him, her hoofs not touching the ground as she bounced up and down. A gigantic smile adorned her long face, not a good look when her teeth were massive and... Grass stained?

Skulduggery sighed, resting his head against his front leg in exasperation, "what."

The black-coated girl stared at him peculiarly.

"Why, you're a skeleton of course!" She looked very smug at having this knowledge. Skulduggery sighed.

"It would seem so."

"And you're wearing a hat."

"Anything else?"

"I would like to say, before events transpire and I faint- _and you catch me_-" she looked very hard at him. "That you seem to be a unicorn."

"That would probably be the justified conclusion." Skulduggery rolled his nonexistent eyes as the black, strangely fluffy unicorn gracefully wilted downwards. He shook his head-horn and adapted the air into a soft mass that cushioned her.

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"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"No."

"Yes!"

"N- what is the point of this?"

The other unicorn shook herself happily.

"I annoy you into letting me come!"

Skulduggery stared dryly at her. She tilted her head innocently, "or I could just do... This!" Leaping up and snatching his hat, she gallivanted into the sky, lifting her hooves high in half-rears as her back legs propelled her away from his anxious bones.

"Give it back!"

"Only if you promise I can come! And wear it!"

Stopping short he stared worriedly at her. On the first hoof, he needed his hat back. On the second hoof- someone else wear his hat?! No. But the third hoof expanded the point on him getting his hat back. The fourth seemed to have fallen off somewhere...

Finding his hoof Skulduggery made his decision.

"Give me back the hat, and I will let you come. At one- very short- point in the future you can wear my hat. No matter what. And if it needs safekeeping and I'm not here you can look after it. Not that it needs it, but I feel better with it having a bodyguard."

The black unicorn looked delighted, "yay! Thank you Hatticorn!" Skulduggery looked sharply at her as he tried to run away. "What did you just call me?"

**And that concludes the first adventure of the unicorns! I don't know how that even turned into a drabble! **

**I have decided to give different reviewers commendations of Unicars each drabble. And this is based off of what I read if your reviews on the stories I read so... **

**first one goes to China Sorrows 400 because I'm pretty sure the unicorn idea came off your profile page!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chhaaappptteeeerrr ttwwooooo!**

**Thank you Lightning Sparks!**

**DeadGirl19… there was a horn? Damnation! Yes I strike again... WITH MY AMAZING FLUFFY HORN AND SHINY HOOVES MWAHAHA!**

**And. I. Don't own anything so mwahahahaha! But still! I will! Wri-i-i-i-i-i-i-ite about Skul-dugg'ry...**

**Duh. Duh. Duh duh duh duh duh. Duh-duh duh-duh duhladadduduh. Duh. Duh duh. Duhladadadahdahdahdah. Duh. Duh. Duh-duh duh-duh duh...**

The black unicorn was sweltering. The dry heat caused by the enlarged sun was bearing down on her back, and her sleek coat was absorbing the burning sun-rays. Valkyrie, as she now called herself, was hot. And she wasn't saying that in the meaning of being stunning either- though she was drop dead gorgeous.? Val was saying she was hot as in _sweating _hot. She was sweating. And it was disgusting. She would bet that Skulduggery wasn't sweating- wherever in this world he was- because he was a stupid, suave, suited skeleton that was most always impeccable and would never allow himself to be ruffled.

Blasted bag of bones.

Val shook her damp coat and her mane flew through the air, splattering drops of salty moisture through the atmosphere.

She snorted in disgust. _Sweat. _Urg. Val really hoped that Skulduggery appreciated this.

If he didn't she would leave him here to be tortured by the Faceless Ones.

She yawned sleepily then jerked her head around to see if anyone had noticed. There was no one there. Val felt so, _so _clever right then.

Wandering along the stupid, dusty road, Val decided that she hated Skulduggery. Yes, she also loved him, but she hated him! Snnniiicker! Now cantering, Val kept a wary lookout for the Faceless Ones or their minions. All she saw was the skeleton of a Unicorn, its bones yellowed in the burning heat, and it had a random long pastern in its mouth. Shaking her head in exasperation, Val walked past briskly, hooves clopping against the hard-packed Earth as she ran away from the skeleton.

The streets were made of reddish dust and hard earth, and the houses were villas of yellow and blue and white and other pastel colours. Valkyrie hated it. Is was all so... Bright. And cheerful. And just ugh. She suddenly had a thought that maybe he had killed himself because it was so optimistic. And that was bloody unreasonable because they were in the world which the Faceless Ones had massacred- _happiness is not supposed to be near loads of deaths!_ Stupid world. It wasn't very clever. Maybe once she found Skulduggery she could blow it up- then the Faceless Ones would die, and this stupid world would not exist anymore... She pulled dark eyelids over dark eyes and looked at the world through dark eyelashes plotting how she would convince Skulduggery so go along with her scheme.

Building. Building. Flat. Building. Building. Building. Building. House. Building. House. Building. Building. Building. Bu- AMPHITHEATRE! She ran towards it happily, flicking her heels and tail is joy. Just before she ran into it, she paused. Since when was she happy to see something with such a long name? Then the clunked her nose into her chest. _Idiot. _It was since all the other buildings were bright, and this one was covered in dark blood. Dried blood. She tilted her head in fear before letting the emotion go. At least it wasn't pastel coloured.

She knocked on the door. It fell in with a whiny creak- now _doors _whine- and she fell in. Quite literally: she actually fell inside the amphitheatre.

Shooting to get feet, Val really hoped that no one had noticed her disgrace. Idiot door. Why would it be so weak as to not hold her weight. Its fault entirely. Yes.

Making herself feel better took a couple of minutes, but after her pep talk she felt ready for anything!

Valkyrie stepped cautiously into the prison part of the amphitheatre. It was dark. And cold. She wanted to go now- but there was a pile of bones in the centre of the room. She truly hoped that it wasn't Skulduggery: he would complain endlessly if it was. She tapped the skull with her hoof. It didn't move. "Skulduggery…" she whispered. "If this _is _you, please come back. Please. I need you: without you I'm an annoyance that's unneeded and yet never let out of mind in our world… come back if you're still there... Please." The skull looked on steadily. "Skulduggery, I-"

"BOO!" Scrambling away in terror, Val nearly had a heart attack. She was sure that all her sleek black fur, so carefully maintained in a crystal perfect way, was standing on end. She probably looked like a fluffball.

"Hahahahahahaha" Skulduggery cackled- since when did he _cackle?- _"I must say, usually you don't talk quite as much, nor as touchingly! You usually just dance. Or sing. Or both."

Valkyrie stared at him- terrified. "Well?" Skulduggery asked. "Get on with it then."

"Skulduggery …" Val said slowly. "I am not a hallucination."

"Yep!" He said happily. "That's what you always say!" Valkyrie glared at him. "Shut up and reassemble yourself," she said as she dragged his head over to his torso and legs. "And then we're going back to reality." Skulduggery sighed as he cracked his bones back together,Val winced: it sounded painful. "Why? You're a figment of my imagination: all that will transpire is you going when the Faceless Ones find me again." Val stomped angrily.

"_Shut up or I will kick you with my hoof!_" She snorted threateningly. Skulduggery just laughed.

"And that is supposed to make me scared how? You're not real- you can't make me feel- OW!" Valkyrie nodded in satisfaction at Skulduggery's broken rib. "No pain from your imagination eh? But I just made you feel pain- so I must be real." She arched her neck proudly, horn glinting like jet as she shook strands of onyx proudly at her theory.

Skulduggery grumbled in irritation as he reassembled himself. Then he stopped. "I do believe that you are going to have to find my long pastern. I appear to have lost it." As Val galloped away to find the dead Unicorn, she heard a muttered rendition of 'Dry Bones'.

Sure, he needed that bone, but Val had a feeling that she had just been dismissed so the 'real grownup' could have better hallucinations... And she wasn't even a hallucination!


End file.
